ENIGMA (I Choose the Latter)

05-02-09

"I let go not because I lose hope that you'll love me back

but because of the fear that if I'll not, I'll continue to fall flat

and forget that my brain is still superior than my heart."

What will you do if you knew that you’re falling for someone but ironically that someone is in love with someone else? Will you fight your love for him? Will you play the game for a chance to be happy? Or will you just simply...let him go?

I CHOOSE THE LATTER.

I can still remember the first time i saw him. I was nearsighted then that i can't see him clearly. Then our distance became so closed that I could not even breathe near him.
His not the answer to; "What I like in a guy?" We're not close. We seldom talk. I was confused. I questioned myself...then assumed. But I had gone tired, so I tried PRETENDING. I pretend his not around. I've tried to FORGET. I'VE LIED. I'VE CHEATED MYSELF.

Then I started a fight within me, and it end up in a WAR BETWEEN MY HEART AND BRAIN. And as my brain struggle to win, my heart is slowly bleeding in pain.
We ignore ourselves. We have built a very tall wall between us and no one made the first step to even, if not destroy, just lower it. Literally, ours is a drama of: "so near yet so far". His only meters grabbable, only steps from me, but he seems so far---unreachable.

I know he has a girlfriend and their relationship is a strong one- tested by time. But it never discourages me to pursue the fight. I continue the battle until I came to the point where I have to choose.

How can you fight a war that is lost from the start?
Will you be happy to win the game but the prize is pain?
How can your love still be true if you’re cheating yourself?
Will you keep someone who is not yours and can never be yours?
How can you bear the pain of loving someone already in love with someone else?
And as I've weighed the answers...
I CHOOSE THE LATTER.